Initial Things to Think About
Making sure that you are emotionally ready to discuss your mesothelioma diagnosis is an important step on your cancer journey.
Many people wrestle with when, how and whom to tell about their cancer diagnosis. “Who in my life needs to know? Should I share immediately? Or wait until I have more information? How do I protect my own emotional well-being while managing others’ reactions?”
These questions become even more complex when dealing with rare cancers like mesothelioma. Many people are unfamiliar with mesothelioma. They may have many questions about what your diagnosis means.
The good news is you don’t have to face this challenge alone. With a little forethought and planning, you can navigate conversations about cancer with confidence and grace.
Resources for Mesothelioma Patients
Preparing to Tell People You Have Cancer
Take the time to understand where you are emotionally and what you are ready to share. This can make disclosing your mesothelioma diagnosis easier for you and those you share it with.
How do you figure out what to say and how to say it? It may help to speak to a mental health provider. An experienced therapist can help you cope with your diagnosis. They can also help you identify what kind of mesothelioma support you need as you share your news with others.
Know What You Need Emotionally
The emotions that come with a cancer diagnosis are wide ranging. Many people feel fear, sadness and anger. Others feel overwhelm, loneliness and guilt. Others may eventually experience feelings of hope and resilience.
A 2024 study by the National Institutes of Health confirmed that mesothelioma can have a “unique impact” on mental health and well-being. The study notes that mesothelioma diagnoses often produce “traumatic stress, depression, anxiety and guilt” in patients.
Get a sense of your emotions and talk them through with your inner circle. Then think about what you hope to gain from your conversations with others.
Understanding what you want from these conversations is key to a good outcome. Ask yourself: “Why am I telling this person? Do I want emotional support? Practical help? Or does it just feel important that they know?”
Asking yourself these questions can guide what you say and how much you share with each person.
Think About Who Should Know
The decision about who to tell about your cancer diagnosis is yours and yours alone.
Some people feel comfortable sharing their mesothelioma diagnosis widely. Others prefer to cope with mesothelioma by keeping their medical journey private. There is no wrong answer here. The best choice is the one that puts you most at ease.
Compile a written list of the people you want to tell. Do you want only family to know? Are there friends you think it would be helpful to share with?
What about people in your work life? It may be necessary to share some information with your supervisors, as you may need time off work for treatment.
Keep in mind that you don’t have to tell every person in your life or share every detail at once.
Decide How Much You’re Ready To Share
Again, you control the narrative here. There are many emotions attached to a mesothelioma diagnosis. You are in charge of deciding what you feel comfortable sharing.
You can choose to keep what you share simple: “I’ve been diagnosed with mesothelioma and I’ll be starting treatment soon.” Or you can disclose more details if you want. Some of this will depend on who you are telling. It matters how close a relationship you have with the person you are speaking to.
Many cancer patients find it helpful to keep a journal as they are preparing to tell people they have cancer. Writing your thoughts down can help clarify what you are ready to share. It can also reveal what topics you don’t want to discuss with others.
Do Your Research
When you tell people you have mesothelioma, they may have questions. You’re not responsible for having all the answers. However, it can help to share the details you do know.
Because some people are not familiar with mesothelioma, you may want to describe what kind of cancer it is. You might also want to tell them what causes mesothelioma.
If you know your treatment plan, you may want to share it. You can go into more or less detail depending on your comfort level and your relationship with the person you are telling.
Find the Time and Place That’s Right for You
When you tell people you have mesothelioma, find a quiet place to talk. Make sure it allows for privacy. Pick a setting that is comfortable and where you won’t be interrupted. Set aside enough time so that the conversation can unfold naturally, without being rushed.
Sharing the news in a public setting — like a restaurant or office — isn’t ideal. Your friends and family may have strong reactions to this news. Giving them a private place to digest this information is important.
You may also find that telling people you have cancer in person is too hard. It is perfectly ok to let them know in other ways, too. You can share your news via email or text, by letter or over the phone. You are always empowered to choose the method for sharing that feels right to you.
Settle on an Approach
Nobody likes talking about cancer. But being direct and using simple language is best. If you’re talking to another adult you might say, “I have some difficult news to share. I’ve been diagnosed with mesothelioma. It’s a form of cancer linked to asbestos. I’m still learning what this means and what treatment will look like, but I wanted you to know.”
Take some time to practice using these or different words to share your news. Eventually, you will find the ones that feel right for you.
If you are talking to children or teens, be age-appropriate and reassuring. Let them know you’re getting care and they’re not alone.
During the Conversation: Helpful Tips
During the conversations that you choose to have with people in your life about your diagnosis, some unexpected reactions and questions may come up. Provided below are some helpful tips to assist you in navigating the process of sharing difficult news.
Set Your Boundaries
Just because you tell people you have cancer doesn’t mean every detail of your diagnosis is up for discussion. There may be things you are not ready — or will never be ready — to discuss.
Figure out what topics might be particularly sensitive for you. It is well within your rights to tell people you are not willing to talk about certain subjects. You can say, “Thanks for asking, but that’s not something I’m ready to talk about right now. What else can we discuss?”
Let Them Know What You Need
Do you want practical help, emotional support or just someone to listen? Being clear about your needs helps other people know how to respond.
If this is someone you’d like direct help from, say, “I’d love help with [grocery shopping] once treatment starts.” Fill in the blank for whatever you need.
If you are sharing the news but don’t feel like you need help from this person, it’s also fine to say, “Thanks for being such a good listener. I’m covered right now, but I just wanted to share my news with you directly.”
Check on Their Emotions
Hearing that someone in your life has mesothelioma can bring up many emotions. Fear, uncertainty, sadness and grief are all normal responses.
After you have shared the news, take a breath. Allow the other person to digest the information. Ask them how they are feeling.
People may be shocked, sad or awkward. They may cry. Some may say unintentionally hurtful things. Stay grounded. Their reaction is not your burden to ease.
What to Say If Someone Is Hurtful
Sometimes the people you tell about your cancer diagnosis will unintentionally say hurtful things. Perhaps they make an ill-timed joke. Maybe they pass judgement. Or maybe they are simply less compassionate than you hoped they would be.
If someone says something that upsets you, try this:
“I know this might be hard to hear, but your comment hurt. I’m just looking for a little kindness right now.”
Most people mean well even if they don’t get it right. It’s ok to ask for the support you need.
After You’ve Shared the News
Once you tell people you have cancer, you may feel a sense of relief. Sharing this news with others can make you feel less alone.
Some people, on the other hand, feel an increased sense of fear and anxiety after sharing. It is also normal to feel sad or lonely in the aftermath. How you will feel after you have revealed your mesothelioma diagnosis is hard to predict. Every patient is unique. Everyone has their own response to the experience.
However you feel, remember that there is a great deal of support for mesothelioma patients available today. Join a support group. Learn how exercise can help improve quality of life. Hear from survivors about how they’ve managed their disease.
Telling someone you have cancer will never be easy. Now, at least, you have the tools you need to share the news.
